(Chorus)
You've gotta sort out your personal hygiene/
Wash behind your neck and your ears/
You've gotta sort out your personal hygiene/
And trim your nosehair once in a year/
You've gotta sort out your personal hygiene/
Brush your teeth twice in a day/
You've gotta sort out your personal hygiene/
Or go and take your body odour away//

(ExP)
Back in the day I shook hands with everyone that I met/
That type of greeting always commands the fullest respect/
Started hanging out with some dudes who were fist bumping instead/
Always felt antisocial but they were fully correct/
Cos people don't wash their hands when they've been and they've flushed the pan/
For reasons they understand, like diseases are just a scam/
They pee and they touch the flush but then eagerly clutch your hand/
Be hygienic and clean 'em before leaving you bloody tramp/
I've taught at too many schools and I've lost all hope/
Cos more often than not the toilet had got no soap/
The reason they don't replace it? God don't know/
A thousand disease carriers who romp on home/
And pass it to their parents, who get ill and it's relentless/
So they then get sacked cos they lacked the correct attendance/
The family have to sell up, take crack and be homeless when it/
Only happened cos the school didn't fill up their soap dispensers!//

(Chorus)
You've gotta sort out your personal hygiene/
Wash behind your neck and your ears/
You've gotta sort out your personal hygiene/
And trim your nosehair once in a year/
You've gotta sort out your personal hygiene/
Brush your teeth twice in a day/
You've gotta sort out your personal hygiene/
Or go and take your body odour away//

(Addverse)
There's many times when I be traveling and trapped in the rush/
On a train, waiting for a plane or catching the bus/
Whether I'm sat down or standing up, changing my pose/
I guarantee there's always someone infiltrating my nose/
And I understand not everybody has this similar view/
But I know that what smells of sh...to me, smells of it to you/
There's no excuse for never using the launderette/
A little soap and water can ensure that you don't endure more sweat/
Cos Sure is a sure bet...conditioner's perfect/
So go ahead and grab that L'orèal cos you're worth it/
And don't let that dirt stick, p-pick up that Persil/
And give your jeans the wash in the machine they deserve dude/
Look, now I aint saying I'm the cleanest I can be/
So fresh and so clean, aint no-one as dope as me/
I am merely just observing and telling you what I see/
Or should I say what I'm smelling, it's like cheddar and feet//

(Chorus)
You've gotta sort out your personal hygiene/
Wash behind your neck and your ears/
You've gotta sort out your personal hygiene/
And trim your nosehair once in a year/
You've gotta sort out your personal hygiene/
Brush your teeth twice in a day/
You've gotta sort out your personal hygiene/
Or go and take your body odour away//

(JND)
Yeah, we all need a shower at the start of the day/
So go to B&M and part with your change/
Coz Lynx is on offer at the moment, get that bodywash cheap/
Won't be breaking the bank to smell fresher, Fabreeze/
Your clothes if you need to and no forgetting your teeth/
I swear it's all there, it's the deal of the week/
Are you reaching for that Brut just for under your arms/
Or the Old Spice improving your charm/
I might tolerate you more if you smell pleasant/
Avoid that aroma of dead pheasant/
Cos when you smell like Rab C Nesbitt looks/
Got me reaching for that Glade plus a sick bag cos/
Your body odour's offensive in more ways/
Than Sex Panther by Odeon emptying hallways/
The bath is your friend, not your arch nemesis/
Next time your smelly friend offends your nostrils, tell ‘em this//

(Chorus)
You've gotta sort out your personal hygiene/
Wash behind your neck and your ears/
(Like your Mum said)
You've gotta sort out your personal hygiene/
And trim your nosehair once in a year/
(At least once in a year)
You've gotta sort out your personal hygiene/
Brush your teeth twice in a day/
(Floss and rinse)
You've gotta sort out your personal hygiene/
Or go and take your body odour away//